Father's Day!
Ok, I know I'm writing this a week late but no apologies. It's been a busy week. But I did want to take a minute to reflect on what Father's Day means to me. Before I had kids, my entire focus was on my own father, naturally. What he meant to me growing up, what he means to me now and how can I apply what he taught me to my own kids.
As a child, my dad was around sometimes but he worked a lot. I have a few siblings, and we were all in travel sports and any parent with kids in a travel or club sport knows the financial burden that comes with it, and I truly believe he worked hard so we had those opportunities. However, this meant he wasn't around a ton. Truth be told, I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but that's a post for another time. But I do remember not really having anyone, a man in my life, to help guide me through all the emotions that came with childhood. And now that I'm in my 40s and have my own kids, I realize the toll that gap in my life has taken. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure my parents did their best but just like any parents, they got some things wrong. And now I'm paying the price.
Today, I have four of my own kids whom I love dearly. They mean the world to me! And as they continue to grow, I find myself trying to think back to what life was like for me at their age. More importantly, what did I NEED at their age! And more than anything, I think I needed a father figure who not only allowed me to express feelings but encouraged me to feel them. I needed a place I wouldn't be shamed or judged for what I thought or said. A 'safe place', even though I hate that term. And even though I didn't receive that from my dad, I learned that I could provide that to my own kids. Show them that it's ok to be pissed off, angry, upset, sad, even depressed, at times. Be there for them in those moments and sit in it with them. Sometimes I don't say anything. Other times I offer words of encouragement, solidarity. I certainly don't always get the reaction right, but I think simply being there for them in those moments is the most important thing I can do as a father. As a man.
My dad is now in his 70's and is set in his ways. I love him immensely and though I sometimes wish he had been there more for me as I was growing up, I've also learned that he did the best he could at the time. And that's all I could have asked from him. I have no idea how my own children will turn out in 10 or 20 years. Maybe they'll be writing blogs about things they wish their parents did differently. One thing I do hope is that they enter adulthood in a much stronger emotional state than I did. Knowing they are perfect as the men they are, and they don't need to change for anyone. Men, be yourselves. You are perfect just as you are. Happy Father's Day!
